Birthday Party Gone Wild [Nino's 26th B-day one-shot]

Featuring: the birthday boy, Nino! And the rest of Arashi~
Genre: Crack. Just crack. ;D
Rating: G
Summary: Nino is thrown a surprise party (which isn’t all that of a surprise) which ends up turning into a… food fight?

Notes: HAPPY BIRTHDAY BURGER HANDS! XD This ficcie is the most I can do for him (or you guys~) to celebrate the occasion while I’m busy with school. Wrote this down on paper before transferring into Word doc. so this is an unedited version. If there is any grammar/spelling errors… forgive my human flaws! xD

ENJOY THE CRACK!

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Birthday Party Gone Wild

My eyes are covered with a blindfold, and my hands are bound by a cotton scarf. Does this look like even fractionally right to you?

“Tell me again, Oh-chan, why I’m standing at the door of my own house like this?” I whine. I have every right to whine, all right.

Ohno is fumbling around the contents of my bag for my set of keys. “I… don’t know,” he answers flatly.

“You liar,” I retort. I’m getting impatient! I start groping my tied hands around blindly until I catch hold of something plump… and feels familiar. I grin.

“That’s my butt you’re touching,” Ohno tells me shyly. He tries moving away slowly but I tighten my hold before he can get away, and I squeeze the flesh. I grin wider at Riida’s yelp.

“I want to know if it’s a surprise party behind that door!” I demand.

Ohno hesitates for a moment, and then helpfully points out, “It wouldn’t be a surprise party if it’s not a surprise, is it?”

I pinch the fleshy curve of his plump buttocks and he squeaks. Yeah, that’s right, you should be squeaking for mercy.

“Okay, okay, it is! Just… act like you’re surprised, okay?” he pleads, then adds in, “Or Matsujun will kill me.”

“Matsumoto-kun dies before he touches you,” I say with a low growl. Then, I smile with satisfaction and let go of his buttocks. “Riida always is the best, ne?” I say sweetly. “Lead the way, then.”

I hear him quickly inserting the key and unlocking the door, then he grips onto my arm and pulls me inside before he closes the door behind me. Guided by sheer memory – perfect imagery memory honed by my thirty hours of gaming daily! – I reach out and find my way along the wall until I find the switch. I flip it on and immediately pull down the blindfold. I fully expected to see Aiba, Jun-tan, and Sho (and prepare myself to strangle them). I definitely did NOT expect to see my entire living room filled with a hundred thousand million billion people.

Holy shit.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” they roar out.

Some of them (I can’t spot them among the insane crowd) pop party crackers and rainbow-coloured confetti starts raining down all over me. That’s when I look up and notice balloons and ribbons littering the ceiling. Even the ceiling fan isn’t visible anymore!

How the hell did these people manage to turn my house into a circus under just two hours?!

For no apparent reason I am thoroughly amused. In the least, I’m not cleaning up the mess. I’m the birthday boy, yo!

“Happy birthday to you…” everyone starts singing. “Happy birthday to you!” Sho and Aiba emerge slowly from the cluster, holding the birthday cake with lit candles atop it. “Happy birthday to Ninooooooo!” I laugh aloud at a small number of voices wishing ‘Kazunariiiiiiii’ instead. “Happy birthday to you!”

“Everyone… thank you so much!” I exclaim, bowing deeply and with an embarrassing smile (believable, I hope).

“Make a wish!” Aiba prompts.

“What is there to wish for?” I wonder audibly.

“For a DS game or something you’re always whining about wanting to get,” Matsujun suggests with a smirk.

Hmmm. I really don’t have an idea at all! I have everything I want… wait, I need a new hard drive for my games. Yeah, a 1000GB hard drive. That’s more than enough space for all my beloved games. I won’t feel insecure anymore! Okay, I’m totally wishing for that.

I blow out the candles, all twenty six of them, and everyone cheers and applauds. Before Sho takes the cake away, I take a swipe out of the icing with my finger and lick it.

“Raspberry!” I smile oh-so-very-joyously. “Great choice, as always,” I nod at Matsujun. I already know the cake is going to taste maximum umai – in the great words of Mr Sakurai. Matsujun never fails at picking the most scrumptious cakes for birthdays and other events.

“We’re cutting the cake after you open your presents,” Ohno says softly.

Presents? Time to rub my palms together and emit a wicked laugh!

“Presents!” Aiba squeals, flailing his arms in the air (I’m so glad he isn’t holding the cake now). He drags me to the living room area and pushes me onto the couch. On the coffee table is a mountain of nicely wrapped, blindingly colourful presents. I can feel my legs shaking with excitement!

“Open mine first!” Aiba insists, pulling out a rectangular present with a blue wrapping with prints of baby bears.

I read the words on the wrapping carefully. “Aiba! It says ‘Happy birthday to the baby’ all over!”

“It does?” The lanky guy leans over and reads the word, and he laughs humorously. “You’re right!”

“On your birthday, I’m getting you a dictionary,” I mutter. I rip open the present, my eyes widen. “Muramasa: The Demon Blade! How did you know I wanted this game?!”

“Riida suggested it,” Aiba replies, casting a proud grin at Ohno behind. I’m going to have to remind myself to give Oh-chan a huge kiss later.

After Aiba’s turn, I start digging into other presents. Manager-san’s present is a Seiko watch (“Good timing! I needed to replace my old one.”), my ol’ high school friends pitched in for a PSP Slim (“Now I’m gonna need forty hours a day to play all these games!”), and Otou-san and Okaa-san and Onee-san (who aren’t around and instead are holidaying in Hokkaido… without me! On my birthday! The nerve!) picked out a sweater.

Then comes the other members’ presents. I open Ohno’s present first, which is a small painted clay figure of me in my Ohmiya SK costume (I owe him a big make-out session, now), then Sho’s present – a book on the history of virtual games (finally a book I’m definitely interested in!), and finally Matsujun’s present – a black leather slingbag from Uniqlo (“Now I can be as sexy as you!”).

“Now,” I start, after unwrapping the last present and the floor is practically littered with torn wrapping paper, “can we have cake?”

Sho brings out the cake – a rather huge cake, might I add, how the hell did it fit into the refrigerator? – and sets it down on the coffee table. I grab the silver knife and am just about to slice the cake… when Sho accidentally trips and falls flat onto my back, flattening me until my face is squished into the cake.

“I’m sorry!” Sho exclaims in horror. “It’s the wrapping paper I tripped on! I swear!”

I lift my head up, slowly and calmly, and wipe the thick cream from my eyes. I glare at him – a positively livid death glare – as he stands a considerable distance away, next to Aiba. He seems to cower further behind a taller Aiba under my murderous eyes. Yes, hide like a little girl behind that puppy.

“You. Are. DEAD!” I bellow, and I chuck the cream at him, but my aim is off and the cream splatters all over Aiba’s face instead.

“NAN DA YO?! You hit the wrong person!” Aiba whines childishly.

I laugh aloud but it stops midway when something mushy hits the back of my neck. What the hell? I spin around and find Matsujun with his hands covered with cream and wearing an evil, scheming grin on that blasted face of his. He then nudges Riida with his elbow, and Riida readily whips his cream-caked hands out from around his back and flings more cream at me. Matsujun cackles. Ohno grins in amusement. And I’m furious. FURIOUS for payback.

“FOOD FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!” I declare. This is war!

Instantaneously the entire house is in an uproar. A flinging fest of cream and cake soon starts (no one gives a damn about wasting high quality cake anymore!), and miraculously someone manages to bring out leftover party finger food and starts throwing mini sandwiches and sushi and chips and cheese sausages… and even pieces of ham! I pick up some sushi and chips from the plate and chuck them at Aiba and then Sho. Wait, I should be aiming for Sho… he started it! I start throwing sandwiches feverishly at him until he ducks behind the couch and doesn’t come out. Out of a sudden a slab of ham slaps the side of my face, and I turn around and see Matsujun cackling.

“You’re going down, pretty face!” I yell out, and I start chasing him down brandishing a cheese sausage.

After ten minutes of havoc and devastating wreckage, the fight is still going on. Where the hell is the supply of food coming from? I hope it’s not my refrigerator. Damn. I’m too tired to continue. I collapse on the couch (with a layer of cream and cheese on it) and watch the fight instead. It’s so much more fun to watch rather than get all messy and slimy.

Matsujun collapses just as exhaustedly beside me and wraps an arm around my shoulder exuberantly. “How’s this for a birthday party?” he grins.

“The BEST party I’ve ever had,” I gush to him with obvious exaggeration.

“…I’m so glad that cake’s cheap,” he admits.

“You owe me a birthday cake!” I exclaim, half-scowling at him. And he does indeed. How’s a birthday boy to celebrate his birthday without a birthday cake! That’s almost a crime. Wait, it is a crime. Or should be.

Matsujun laughs out loud and pats me on the shoulder. “Fine. We’ll go to café later. Your pick.”

“I would love you so much more if you said ‘my treat’.”

“Whatever.” And he walks off and joins Ohno and Aiba squirt Sho with ketchup. Hah! Revenge is so sweet.

Well, turning twenty-six with my hair filled with icing cream and sliced tomatoes isn’t so bad after all.

But I think turning twenty-seven would have to be much cleaner.

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